Laugh Those Matters Out Of You

oh my god

obamasdaughtersboyfriend:

obamasdaughter:

obamathepresident:

obamasdaughtersboyfriend:

obamasdaughter:

I love my boyfriend <3

I love my girlfriend

remember to wear protection

wtf dad

Wtf mr president

omg lol busted

‎*Mom hands me phone to answer*

Me: Hello?
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well can I speak to your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which one is home?
Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So who's Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
Her: So Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No I didn't.
Her: Y-yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.

bonefield:

I love it when cats have this reaction to things, it’s just like, “HUMAN, EXPLAIN THIS BULLSHIT.”

zeloismybaby:

kindred-spiritss:

hamfarto:

dildos-and-debutantes:

rescuerhera:

thejoshinator:

mpregbert:

ghostgiggles:

if you play an instrument youre automatically 10x hotter im sorry thats just how the world works

how the fuck do you play the mayonnaise

ask Patrick Star

tastefullyoffended:

musicalwaysfindsaway:

luckystrikesandtallthings:

waywardswagabond:

we went on splash mountain today

We’re in a stable relationship

I’m surprised you weren’t asked to leave for all that horsing around in the front

There is nothing about this picture that isn’t quality

like despite the couple in the front there’s the guy absolutely freaking out about them kissing and trying to protect jane crocker’s innocence

there’s those two people behind them that absolutely cannot believe what they’re looking at

and then there’s the guy in the back who is waiting for jesus to take him away from all this nonsense

ojennii:

n-kevin:

tabiisprecious:

onthesideoftheotters:

joshsux:

nicki in the background

oHMYGOD taylor’s like “i feel you bro you call them out on their shit” and nicki’s like “gurl he means you”

does anyone else see the guy way back there. that guy that suddenly appears and points at taylor

HAHA FUCK.

HAHAHAHHAHA

iwillfucknepeta:

pimpeta-slap:

mrv4n1ll4m1lksh4k3:

pimpeta-slap:

Who came up with kissing? Seriously?
Did 2 people one day accidentally bash heads together and went like, “Oh… That was nice”
*violently bashes head together again*
“This should be a thing”

kissing is a method of exchanging saliva (and thus DNA) to determine whether or not you would want to reproduce with that person

*Bashes heads once more*
You are a prime candidate for my child.

mishawinsexster:

Villains have surprisingly peppy ringtones.